Wednesday, September 19, 2012

It's hard to believe it's been 3 years since we said hello and goodbye to our stillborn daughter, Rachel. So much has happened, mostly all good, but my heart never forgets. It never forgets how it felt to learn that she was gone, how I felt when I endured the long labor to bring her earth side, how sweet it was to finally hold her and look at her pretty little face, and how crushed and brokenhearted we felt to have to lay her to rest. You just don't forget those kinds of things. They mold you and shape you forever. When people ask me how many kids I have, I never quite know how to answer it. I don't want to leave Rachel out, yet sometimes I don't want to have them look at me like I've just told shared way too much info with them. I usually just leave it at 3 and not go any further. She's our little secret.

So many things have changed in those 3 years. Olivia came into our family on October 8th, 2010 and has healed our hearts so much. Nothing can fix the hurt, but she sure is a great band-aid. We love, laugh, and live again. She really is the proverbial rainbow baby, bring light and joy to all who meet her. She's so much fun. Nearly 2, and full of spunk, she is the typical toddler, getting into everything. Keeping me on my toes, for sure.

The boys are each in various sports and activities. Nathan is in middle school this year, in band and shooting club, and plays baseball as well. It's kinda neat, because he's playing my clarinet that I used all through high school and afterwards. Makes me really proud. Zach is an amazing athlete. He plays football for the Heritage Indians, and is 2nd string quarterback, and 2nd string outside linebacker. He loves football. It's what he lives for in the fall. In the spring, he plays baseball for the outward program as well, and now this year, he's decided to try out for the elementary school basketball team, so will be doing that in the winter months. No down time for this mama. Haha. It's awesome though. It's what I live for, to be a mom and take care of my kids. Which leads me to the question I get asked often. Will we have any more? To which I say, I'm not sure. We haven't closed that door, so maybe. If so, hopefully next year we can get the ball rolling with the fertility doctor again. Until then, we are loving life with our 3 kids on earth, and 1 in Heaven. They are my heart and soul. <3