Shame on me

I stopped blogging about this, but should have kept it up. I'll try to post a recap of everything that happened in the past year of my life with Dad.

He was diagnosed 9-25-07 with lung cancer stage 3. He started chemo immediately and had 6 rounds total from october to april. In May he decided to not treat it anymore and stopped all treatments. In August he had gotten so bad with constipation and impaction, that he consented to go with hospice for help. They came in and were able to give him relief immediately, and then continued to care for him as much as he needed, or as little as he needed. In September he started to decline and I could tell he was getting worse. By 9-24 the nurses told me he would live about 5-10 more days. He lived 17 days and died on October 11th 2008. He fought long and hard and I admire him for that. He slipped into a coma 2 days before he died and was no longer in such awful pain. His death has left a gaping hole in my heart. I'm forever changed. I'm happy he's no longer suffering and is reuntited with the love of his life, my mother Marie. But, I sure do miss him. As the holidays grow closer, it's harder and harder to be happy without him here. But, I go through the motions for my children's sakes. They deserve to have the Christmas season be as magical as always.

Then, there's the issue of my ongoing infertility. I'm scheduled for a laparoscopy in January if I'm not pregnant before then. I'm convinced there's something wrong with me, causing the infertility. If it turns out I am wrong, I don't know what I'll do or who I'll blame then. ;)

Nathan's 8th birthday is saturday and we are planning a party for him at a local pizza place. He's soooo excited!! His friends from school are coming and he's very happy about that. I can't believe my baby is already 8!! Time sure has flown by. *sniff*

Speaking of time flying, our 16th wedding anniversary is on friday. It's been a wonderful, hard, trying, loving 16 years. A lot of things have happened in that amount of time. From the death of my mother, to Nathan's birth, then Zach's, and now the death of my father. We have had our ups and downs, but the past few years have been more ups, aside from Dad's death. Our marriage is stronger now than it's been in several years and I'm so grateful to have such a wonderful man by my side who still loves me despite my pitfalls. Love you honey!!